Surrendering to love
Awakens the transformation.
My default was self destruct and I was constantly overwhelmed with fear, anxiety, negativity and worry. I was a lost twenty something student, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol for confidence, over weight and secretly self harming, I had mastered how to be my own best bully, but the year 2011 had plans for me. It was time for my wake up call - an alarming and awakening situation where I truly believed I was going to loose my life by the hands of another....
But the hands of the invisible guided me out...
Growing up I was sensitive and insecure. This soon developed into obsessive worry and self rejection. I became an expert at hiding my pain behind a smile and ate over my discomfort.
Hidden beneath my insecurity I was wild and intuitive. I have fond memories of dancing and chanting in the living room with my mum to earthy drum beats and enchanting panpipes. I believed in magic, and spoke both to nature and the invisible.
I began to dis connect to my magic and wild innocence and instead began to sink into a belief that I was worthless.
My outer world soon became a reflection of my inner feelings of worthlessness and my desperation for outside love and approval lead me down many dark roads. One of which was during my final year at university I was asked out on a date. He had picked me up in his car and I had a gut instinct in that moment that this possibly wasn't a safe thing to do. I got in the car hoping he may be taking me out for dinner. Instead, he drove my to the woods in his silence.
We arrived in the darkness and sat in his smokey car hot boxed by drugs. I became overwhelmed with doom. Holding previous memories of being beaten for saying "no" and feeling incredibly vulnerable I chose to appease.
In that moment my whole life flashed before my eyes.
What if this was going to be the last day of my life?
Could I really leave this way?
What had I been doing with my life?
Did I love enough?
Make the most of myself?
Full-fill my dreams?
Make my family proud?
Make a difference in the world?
Suddenly, I heard a loud clear voice begin to give me direction and strength, and guided me back to safety.
I eventually arrived back at home, shaken, but knowing I had been blessed with the chance to continue my life surviving one of my biggest lessons.
You are precious.
I began to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, develop phobias, and had frequent panic attacks daily, constantly feeling like I was going to die. At night I couldn't fall asleep in case I didn't wake up and would stay up late at night writing letters to myself, promising to be a better person, wiser, more loving, and to do something good in this world.
I raided my mum's bookshelf and her large collection of self help CD's and books. I would meditate daily, connected to my heart, and continued to ask God/Love for help. I was guided to many spiritual teachers and powerful practices that supported my healing.
I had missed my whole final year of university and never graduated or got my degree, but I had a new sense of peace, freedom and deep appreciation.
I am now a spiritual teacher, guider and healer assisting others on their path.
I am a certified teacher in:
Somatic practices for Bodhicitta
Life Coaching & Mentoring
Meditation, Movement & Mindfulness
Energy healing Level 1,2,3 & Masters
I create safe, loving and liberating spaces
that help you tap into your inner truth,
expand into more of yourself
and become a catalyst for your own healing
and beautiful shifts.